Thursday, March 30, 2006

How Happy am I?

You Are 56% Happy

You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments.You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed.

The past few posts of mine have been quite dreary and I wanted to write something cheerful for a change. But I've not been in the best of spirits - nor in the pinkest of health. Pains and aches can be so distracting - and whether it is age catching up or my net surfing- I've been afflicted with pains in my shoulder and neck for some weeks now-Only if one is able to think beyond one's physicality can one concentrate on anything- including the very simple act of going through one's daily routine- the aches and the accompanying anxiety sours my mood.

I try to stay away from the pc- as far as possible- I had to do my blog hopping standing- and in between my chores- so as to avoid continous browsing-

"Raaja paarvai" - roughly translated as "the Royal view" - is a term also used in jest to describe a stiff neck- and thats how my view had been this whole of last week- moving my neck even slightly was agony- and the mode of treatment was not pleasant either. In Ayurveda, we have this treatment called "Nasyam"- where by first after applying medicated oil on the afflicted area, followed by fomenting the region after which drops of medicated oil is poured thru each nostril. One has to deeply inhale the oil poured- and then the sinuses get cleared - finally one has to gargle with warm water- On the first day , I created quite a ruckus and DH had a tough time pinning me down to administer the treatment- My sons watched the proceedings in unabashed amusement.
However tedious the procedure is- the results were dramatic. My stiff neck and shoulders relaxed except for sporadic spasms of pain a few times during the day. Even that has gone now.

My elder son's Boards are over and he says the papers were easy. Once he had finished with Maths and Science papers he was like 'the holidays have begun'- tho Hindi and English papers were still left.
After the exams he went to the movies with his friends- and there was so much of planning and phoning- excitement and anticipation- they went to see' Thampi'- and he loved it. he wants to grow hair like Madhavan in the movie- groan- he regaled me with some glorious gory details in the movie-

Now he drives me crazy because he's forever behind his younger brother bossing over him- and the younger one has absolutely no intention of being bossed over- the ensuing war zone medley makes me go crazy- I'm swinging between extremes of mood swings- rage, fury and misery- every time I blow my top once in a way- I'm worried I'll give myself a heart attack- and try to take deep breaths- massaging my tense shoulders-

ufffff...yeah- so thats how happy I'm- and still I made it to 56%...nothing short of Miracle- I should say...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Between Yesterday and Today...

Between last time that I posted here, and today, something among many things had changed. A person who had been living and breathing then was no more now- sure that happens every day at every corner of the world, but when it happens to somebody one has known to a little extent atleast , talked to- laughed with- the reaction, the experience is different.

On 18th sat noon, M maami -a neighbour from the flat upstairs called me and informed
me tearfully that R- the young married daughter of the people in the opposite flat had committed suicide in her huband's home ( which is near by).

At first, nothing registered. I just couldn't grasp anything that i heard and blabbered something like an idiot- simply because I could not believe what I had heard- that sweet, soft spoken girl- no more!! And when the truth finally seeped in, my first impulse was to try to rewind time and revoke the incident. I felt that if we tried immediately, we could undo the situation. I kept asking maami if she was sure that everything was indeed over- perhaps she was mistaken- perhaps she had been just injured- perhaps she had misunderstood the news- but no- maami had just returned after seeing the ‘body’- a person we called R was now ‘the body’.

It came like a bolt to us and the other neighbours. Besides, I was under the impression that she was happy in marriage- apparently, I was mistaken- she was having problems- with her MIL, SIL and hubby-
The last time( during diwali) I had seen her and talked to her, she seemed fine...
and it turns out that it was not a suicide- she was being physically abused- her MIL was not allowing the son to talk to her etc...and the girl had not even told her parents all this- they knew there were some problems but she had always maintained that he was a good man and things would be fine soon- I cant even begin to recount how the MIL behaved later when the body arrived after the post mortem- the happennings were extremely disturbing-

We are now hearing all kinds of stories of the harrassment meted out to that girl... she was not being allowed to even phone her parents- and perhaps we’ll never get to know what actually happened that morning.

The parents are totally devastated- case has been lodged against the husband and MIL- seems she was hit in the head- and then they tried to make it look like a case of hanging- and now they have the gall to say she was having an affair- and all of us know that it is just impossible- the relatives of the girl are now telling her parents that they should've brought the girl home- but they were not aware that things were so bad- seems the girl had not told them... whenever they
asked her, seems she would say that her husband was a very good person at heart and she was sure that soon things would be fine...

Anyways, I too went for the condolence- I saw R – ‘the body’ lain on the floor- she looked so serene and peaceful- almost like she was smiling- she looked emaciated- she had always been slim and had even seemed to have gained some weight when I had seen her last, but now she looked emaciated. Needless to say, the scene was heartwrenching- I came back with a depressed soul and a pounding headache-

The next few days had been very upsetting for all of us here in this apartment block...and am just not able to stop thinking about her- I keep remembering the times I talked to her- how she had burst crackers with my sons during diwali- how we used to tease her when her
husband used to call her on phone so frequently after the engagement-how we had attended her wedding-

So many questions kept haunting me- abt her last moments- she had not called her folks for more than a month- she would’ve longed to see her parents- she would’ve felt so lonely, unloved during her last days- seems she had not been eating even- and now she is beyond all pain and sorrow- all in a matter of a few moments…

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Fountain Pen

I kept searching for it high and low- I knew I had kept it away in some safe place but could not remember where. This happens to me often. I would tuck something precious into some 'safe' place and then forget where the safe place was. This time it was my appachhan's ( maternal grandfather) fountain pen- the one with which he would write in his diary daily until his last day in this world- the silver capped maroon Parker- which my ammamma- grandmother had given to me. The one that I cherished-
Yeah, so here I had been searching for it since some days and I couldn't find it. It nagged me- but I was sure I'd find it sooner or later. I searched everywhere- in all the nooks and crannies- in all the little purses in which I had tucked away bits and pieces of treasure but the pen eluded me...

That day again, I was searching in the cabinet - and suddenly my eyes fell on the little red velvet purse in which I had kept a few pieces of trinkets- and Voila! I knew it was to be in there- I opened the purse, and sure enough there it was lying nestled in between my trinkets- I was so happy and relieved- and my eyes filled with tears- I called to my sons and they came running- they knew how upset I had been about not finding this pen- my elder son filled the pen with ink ..and I wrote my first entry in the new diary that my vallyamma (MIL) had given me...